Thursday, October 25, 2007

Reflections from the road

Hot wind tore through my face, passing onto my eyes the grime and dust that it was carrying. I adjusted my position, though I knew it wouldn’t make any difference to the sun scorching my back. Images and movements zipped past me, as fast as the thoughts that ran through my mind. The numbness in my fingers had already started creeping up my wrists, my palms screamed for respite. I moved my buttocks a little, the muscles of my thighs and calves tightened and twisted in pain for that second. I was enjoying it, feeling as if I stood outside of my body sensing every muscle's tension and pressure, absorbing every detail of pain that my body was undergoing. It was unfair that only sinners go to hell.

I was in one of my mood swings. That crazy pendulum in my mind never stops moving. Plunging my mind into glory one moment and darkness in the other. Something had happened that morning, something that had made that pendulum swing to the wrong side. I cut through the events, like a coroner’s knife in an autopsy. Ripping and cutting out events and people, scanning them and finally discarding them. As in the past that elusive moment that triggered my mood remained elusive.

My vision cleared and I saw red. My leg instinctively pressed the brake; a painful left hand squeezed the clutch just in time to keep the ignition running. The throb of the engine slowly made sense to my body, throbbing and vibrating in sync with my body. My back was aching and I stretched, making my chest and hip go taut with relief. I saw green, I felt myself being propelled. Clearly outlined images morphed into a haze of colors and time began to slow down again.

To lead a life without purpose, without goal and without conviction seemed such an unfair thing to do with yourself. Existence for the sake of its name remained in the plane of the lowest order solely because it held no purpose. I had gone through that stage once, not knowing what to do. Imagining that events will unfold by themselves and guide you through the perils of life. I did not 'grow' out of that stage simply because the mind stops growing after a point of time. I simply reflected on my thoughts and observed my senses reacting to each of those thoughts. I realized that to be told what you want is in itself the greatest sin man can commit.

If achieving one's purpose gives happiness shouldn’t everybody be doing that? One question that hits me in my solar plexus every time. I fail to breathe in the coherency of this question every damn time. The numbness in my wrists had crept to my chests and my shoulders. It was sheer torture not knowing the answer to questions that undermine man's ability and strength of purpose.

I don’t know how long it lasts every time, and I don’t remember how frequent it changes. But I remember enjoying the pain every time. It jolts my brain back to reality, to the truth. The truth that men must not just exist but live. And when we start living, the need to help another person fades into oblivion. The sewers of the world will then get filled with sympathy, compassion, helplessness. Every man must free himself from society, from the bonding of compromise. His skill, his passion for excellence and his relentless pursuit of fulfilling his purpose will dispel the so called light of humanity. One word that has been twisted and torn into pieces, losing the very soul of its meaning. If making a person feel better about his lack of ability or to console a person into existence for his lack of control over his emotions is being humanitarian then to hell with humanity. If licking somebody's boots and making him feel good about himself is the only way for man to make money, to hell with making money.

The drone of humanity subdues the voices of true men. He need not be heard by all, just one would be enough. If just one man in my lifetime realizes the vanity of his existence I would have achieved part of my purpose. The numbness was complete, my vision had blurred beyond recoup. Flashes of light flew along, cold and warm air hitting me alternately as I moved under flyovers. I realized I would be quelled; I would be torn by the mass of bodies that believed in mere existence of body n pleasure. They will fight me and they will cut me into so many pieces that none of it would make sense to the men who wanted to live. My mind whirred suddenly, throwing that balancing liquid in the middle of my ear off-balance. My vision cleared and I did not see red nor did I see green. I saw White, pure and beautiful with big glass windows turning slowly. My mind was screaming for me to hit the brakes, but my legs wouldn’t respond. They just existed numbed by humanity, my arms always a step ahead had actually embraced it. But the fact that man's mind will never fall prey to it made me breathe with relief. The mind had won, and I was proud of it. I closed my eyes, sinking into the victory, liberating myself from a world that I could not change.


Monday, October 15, 2007

The Greatest Enigma

As beautiful in the rains as the sun shining bright
Her smile breaks a thousand hearts…
Her grace launches a thousand ships.
Her eyes are portal to mysteries...
The depths of which elude the best of men.
Her love is boundless....her wrath without cure.
She can lift you with her strides, her wink, her protective embrace...
Yet she is fragile, nay & delicate.
Like a flower on a Sunday morning.
She is a touch-me-not, approach her with caution...
For retreat is a step away.
Make her feel special and she is yours for life...and more.
She is a little gift from god, wrapped in layers.....
Each day I peel something more....
Each day I see something new.
If words could describe her...she shan't be my girl.
An angel without wings...the patron of my poor heart.


Friday, October 05, 2007


Lots of times I kind of guffaw at all this goal setting stuff. People ask, "What are your goals?" and it seems like whoever can list the most goals wins. All they are doing is telling all the things they want but they may never get there. What people really need to ask is, "What will you do to make sure you reach your goals?" Having these goals will help motivate you to do something.

Anyway, let me tell you what this goal business is all about. It's actually pretty neat. There are three main steps to getting to where you want to go.

First, there’s the dream.
We do this all the time. However, sit down and write it out. By writing it you will get a better idea of where you really want to go. Think about how you would like to be. Imagine yourself at the end of the quarter or the end of the year or maybe in five years. What do you see? How do people see you? What are you doing? Are you successful? How do you know?

I'll give you an example. This is my first year away at college and away from home. I hope my first year is a good one. I really want to have as good an experience at college as possible. I'd like to do pretty well with grades and I really hope my parents are proud of me. I'm going to really miss my little sister. I hope a year from now she and I have as good a relationship as we do now. In fact, I hope I still have a good relationship with all my high school friends. I also hope to go on a Spring break someplace.

Well, that's kind of my dream. A dream is just that, it's a vision of the future, of how you see yourself in the future. Once you know the direction you want to go than you can begin working on some goals.

Second comes the goal.
Goals are "wants". So are dreams, but goals are more specific. Look back at your dreams. Start a list of specific things you want. Be really clear what you mean. If you want to be rich, tell how much money you need to be rich. If you want good grades, tell what you mean by "good" grades. In fact, the more specific the goal is, the easier it will be to get it. Now there are some rules for setting goals, and here they are.

Goals are always things you want. They are never things you don't want.
Right: I want to stay at my current weight.
Wrong: I don't want to gain weight.
Goals need to be specific. Tell exactly what you mean. Give numbers and times. Don't use words like "lots" and "more". Tell exactly what you want.
Be realistic. Ask yourself if it is possible. Yea, winning the lottery is possible but it's not realistic.
I'll give you my example. I look back at my dream and then start to really think about what I want.

My Goals
I want an "A" in each of my journal.
I want to keep a good relationship with my sister.
I want to keep in touch with my friends.
I want to be involved at the U.
These are just some of my goals but you get the idea.

Third are the objectives.
This is the neat stuff. So far, all we have is a wish list. This is where the action takes place. Objectives are the things we do to get our wants. If I look forward to being independent in college (dream) and I want a car (goal) and I save money (objective) now I can buy a car and I've fulfilled my dream!!

Now, again there are some rules. Keep in mind that objectives are things you will DO.
Objectives are very specific. They tell exactly what you will do and when you will do it.
When you think about what you will do, make a commitment to it. Objectives are written: I WILL ... Don't use words like "try or maybe" Very bad words to use.
Be sure your objectives can be measured. Every day or every week I can say, "Did you do this?" and you answer with either a yes or a no. Don't leave room for maybes.
OK time for more examples. I said I want a "B" in each journal. My objectives are:

I will go to every class every day.
I will sit in the middle of the class.
I will re-read my notes from every class everyday.
I will begin every assignment the day it is given.
Goal: I want to be involved at the U.

My objectives are:

I will meet my professor in his/her office the 1st week of college.
I will join a student club or organization.
Well, you get the idea. Each of my objectives is specific and each one can be measured. If I do all my objectives there is a pretty good chance I will get what I want which will then mean I'll fulfill my dream. When you do this, write it out; it will be easier for you.

To sum it up

Do you have the Belief and Desire to achieve your Goals and Targets
Then be sure that Success will kiss your Feet but you need to work hard to achieve it.
Make it Happen and Just Go for it!!!
Dedications and Efforts never go in Vain.
Either you get what you desire else you get the Experience.
Never Loose Hopes....Only if you believe in yourself others will push you in a positive manner else you'll be surrounded by the negative thoughts.
If you can’t achieve something single handedly, be a Team Player.
Courageous Persons are always Admired for Winning else for Trying.
So Try but Don’t Cry!!!You will never be spoon fed throughout your life, so you need to grab the opportunity when it’s close to you.
Rightly said “Opportunity Never Knocks Twice "I would like to say:"
To Succeed be DIFFERENT, be DARING and be there FIRST!!! "
" It is not because things are Difficult that we do not Dare, It is because we do not Dare because they are Difficult”